Before I start, this post would be messy, broken english, bored, lame but its all my heart want to tell you...and forgive me for writing this post and hope that it won't affect our friendship.... i'm sorry =)
Well, I guess I'll start from the day when I met her. It was a few years back, I added her on Facebook. And I started to chat with her, soon I was lucky enough to get her number. So we text each other for a short few months, and right then she left to Australia to study. Before she left, I actually had feelings on her but I'm afraid that the feelings are not accurate thus I didn't put much effort on it or even think about it. We never talk to one another or she don't even look at me.
Right then, 2013. She came back to Malaysia because she is having the summer breaks. And I was so shocked that she asked me out. Oh well, I was a bit nervous. I know it sounds stupid but indeed I really feel shocked and surprised. I even thought she was kidding with me. After a few days, my CF had an outing so I just asked her out and having an impossible mind that she wouldn't join us but I had no idea that she will say okay. That time, I feel extra nervous and like maybe happy? Oh well, that night I slept earlier compare to my daily routine. Guess what? I woke up early in the morning, I couldn't believe that it was real. After bathing and all, it was still early. And I thought I would be late to fetch her. I'm afraid of letting her waiting. But ended up, I reached at 6.45am and she still haven't take her breakfast. To cut the long story short, I'm happy to went hiking with her. I really enjoy just a short few hours with her. Well, I know she doesn't like sport but still we ended up to level five at Youth Park so its amazing. For the first time, my mind was really blank. There's a saying which I found it quite true, it goes like this, 'no matter how well you can speak or jokes, when you're standing in front of the girl you like then you will be like a total dumb'. I had to admit that I make her feel bored.
After a few days, I decided to ask her out again. Well, amazingly she said yes. I seriously feel happy for that. Well, we went for movie. But that day, I'm sick. I had fever and also diarrhea. I don't feel well that day. When I reach her house, my body was so weak but I didn't want to make her day down. So I tried my best to act like I'm okay. After reaching in Gurney, we went to bought movie tickets. Well, in the cinema. I couldn't concentrate on the movie. I told my friends, and they asked me to dropped her back and go home to rest. But I didn't want to disturb her while she is enjoying the movie. So I decided to act like I'm okay. After movie, I plan to go dinner with her but I couldn't stand it anymore. So I told I'll be dropping her back now. While on the way back to her house, we had a chat with one another. It was fun but it was really a bad day for me. After dropping her, I drove as fast as possible back to my house. And I slept from 4.35pm until the next morning 4.30am. Even though, I feel it was worth it to went out with her.
Soon, we hanged out again. And we had a great time, we went Piknik, queensbay, Dari Cafe and even travel around and chat in my car. Well, it was awesome. Later on, we used Line and Wechat to contact one another. Those nice memories again just a memories. Until one day, I feel that she starting to ignored me. Maybe I'm a bored person and I'm annoying her.
After that, I found out she went out with another guy. And he is her boyfriend, well I couldn't believe but I have to accept. And guess what, that guy I know him. I had heard different stories from his ex-girlfriend and also a girl that he made her falling in love with him. Well, his ex-girlfriend told me that at the beginning of few months he will treat you very nice and making you feel like he is the best boyfriend ever. After that, he changed to another person. He has a bad temper and often release his anger on his girlfriend. And the reason, he broke up with her is because he wanted to focus on studies. Later on she found out that he actually starting to flirt with a girl from another school. This make her feel sad and heart broken. One more weird thing is he can text her mum after both of them broke up. This is so weird.
Talk about another girl that he made her falling in love with him, she told me that he did flirt with her. And soon she had feeling on him, but he didn't tell her about his feelings and make things complicated and caused her become like a third party and she also feel upset and heart broken about what he did. She just don't understand what is he thinking and all. And this girl asked me to in relationship with her to make him jealous, that time I really don't know what happen. But I see her crying and I'm still single so decided to in relationship with her but I hide the post so not much people know. After that guy added me, I just stupidly accepted without knowing anything. In end, I found this story. I'm upset for both girls that having a hard time with him.
Well, sadly the girl that I had feelings with fell in love with that guy. I was couldn't believe that. I wanted to stop her but I understand that love is blind. When someone really in love with someone, no matter how bad he or she is, that person also won't listen to you. She even told me that people surrounding her asked her to be careful and discouraging her. As I stand in her situation, I told her I support her and respect her decision but in my heart I was confused, I'm afraid that guy will do something that will hurt her deeply since she is not around. I'm confused, I care about her. But she just never know that. I even hinted her few times but I guess she is asking me to give up. Oh well, I hope that I make a right decision that not telling her about the stories behind him. Guess I'm total stupid and a good guy that letting her goes. I feel the pain in my heart. I really do not know what I can do. I just hope that she will be happy with him and don't get hurt. Maybe seeing her happy, I will also feel happy? Well, perhaps it could be so. But what if she gets hurt? I will be blaming myself. I'm so confused. I don't want to discourage her and I don't want to see her gets hurt. Maybe I'm selfish for not telling her. Maybe I'm stupid. Hopefully she is happy with him until old. Hopefully, my decision is right. All my statuses, line, wechat, twitter are full what I want to tell her. Well, guess keeping the pain in my heart is worth to see her happy now. Lastly, I'll be there for her when she needs me. Hey girl, just don't get hurt and be happy. Anything just tell me, I will lend you my shoulder to cry, I will lend you my ears to hear your cry, I will give you my love when you need it. All the best, girl. =)
Well, wedding dress is the best song that suite what I want to say to her..............
Girl, all the times we've had, I've kept my feelings wrapped. I'll always ask myself, how did I lose your heart.
Your love was in my reach, but now, far gone. I never thought that I would fall this hard.
I was afraid to tell you all the feelings in my heart.
Thinking that if I told you, you and I would fall apart. I hesitated, and now our love is breakin'. 'Cause you moved on and I'm still waiting.
Now it all comes down to this, our love was such a bliss.
You've blessed me with the best, so now he wants in your heart. I wanted you to know my heart bled bled for you. But would he ever do the same for you?